So just to be clear, I’m not pouting because I wasn’t on the cover; of PEOPLE Magazine as the World’s Most Beautiful Woman. Frankly, I haven’t been in line for any award except maybe, “Biggest-Failure-at-Singing-The-Transformer-Theme-Song.” I was recently told my rendition “ruined everything.”
However, I do want to suggest that even if the magazine wasn’t looking my way as a potential profile, I’m a bit bemused that Julia Roberts received the honor for a fifth time.
I personally have nothing against the actress. I mean, we haven’t hung out much lately, but I do think she has a great laugh in Pretty Woman. Certainly, she seems more relatable than most mega stars.
Yet, I can’t help but wonder if the editors over at PEOPLE Magazine said, “Remember how we sold a lot of copies when Julia Roberts was on the cover? All in favor of putting her on again, making a butt load of money and leaving work early, say ‘Aye’.”
“The, ‘Ayes’ have it. Anyone up for a ride in my yacht?”
Nothing personal, Julia, but I know some beautiful women.
That recess lady who volunteers every day at our elementary school, she used to wear makeup and nice slacks. Now she wears old jeans, which is just as well since I’ve seen more than one child rub a snotty nose against her thigh.
There was a gorgeous nurse who didn’t even flinch when vomit drenched the front of her scrubs while she inserted a nasogastric intubation tube into my son’s nose.
Karen is another beautiful women. Instead of watching her son graduate, she watched him lose his hair and slowly withered away to cancer. She forces herself to get up every morning and volunteer at the high school. The other day, she pulled up a chair and sat next to a student with several failing grades on his report card.
“I don’t need your help!” The boy was rude and defensive.
“Too, bad,” Karen said. “I don’t get to see my son graduate, so, whether you like it or not, I plan on watching you instead.”
Julia, I think you had more competition than the editors thought.